Heartbreaker

I don't know who reads my blog and who doesn't. So I don't wanna make this seem too obvious.

He just spoke to me, he initiated the conversation. The conversation only lasted 3 minutes, but it was like hell for me. I am nervous, excited, happy, scared and disappointed.

I saw his her. I hate myself for bloating. But I really don't understand his choice.

I am waiting for his promise - to call for a drink.

But wait, should I?
I am no longer the same person. I am someone who hates myself now. I have long moved the hatred upon myself and my physique.
Why should I show how frail I've become. Why should I prove that I've lost.

I've lost straight from the start. I've never won. And now I'm giving him a chance to see my defeat.
I feel like digging a hole in the ground and stick my head into it. I feel like drowning myself in carbon monoxide. I feel like filling my cup with lizards' poo.


I just realise how obvious I've made it.
-Yunshan, u're thinking of the right person this time. There's no one else with this much impact on me.