My Secret

I've never felt so alone since my grandmother left me.

Amidst all the glitz and glamour that had blinded me for more than a year, I finally saw the superficiality of it all.

When it happened, my heart pounded so hard, I could lay flat and get a heart attack. I cleared my thoughts and struggled to stay calm. I had other important things to handle, so I musn't break down. I pulled myself together and set my thoughts straight. The business had to go on.

Then it occured to me, it was Sunday. I webcam with my parents on Sunday nights. I've had occassions where I skipped our meetings and don't feel much, but after what has happened, I need to hear their voices more than ever. They always knew the right things to say and the right things to do. They will know what to do in situations like this.

No matter. I've got an urgent incomplete business that will require more work after the crash. So I pulled an all nighter with a 2nd hand and borrowed wireless and completed just enough to make up for the loss.

With my crooked spine aching and my brain overworked, I only had 1 thing in mind, my bed.

Dragging myself back into reality again, I rushed to get the 2nd hand connected for a bit of consolation. Aptly called the '2nd hand', it slowly worked its way into the network and took nearly 6 hours to get on track.

This is when I had time to sit and think. I couldn't wait. I called my mother, eager to hear her voice. This was when the waterworks opened and wouldn't stop. I realised that just hearing her isn't enough. I was hopeless, desperate and stuck in a rut all alone. I yearned for her arms, my brothers' gaze and my father's touch. I've never missed home so badly since my first few nights in Brisbane.

I have nice friends all around me, but there are sides of me that I do not want to reveal. Ever since starting life on my own in a foreign land, vulnerability has been the first thing that I do not allow myself to succuumb to. The only place private enough for me to hide my vulnerability is the shower, where not only can I hide my face from the world, I can also bluff myself of my tears for an hour.

I hate myself for wanting to give up and take a plane home.
I hate myself for being vulnerable.
I hate myself for making others worried.

My head is pounding from the endless stream flowing down my face.
Time to hide under covers until the sun finds me.

I've disappointed you

The rush in my 3rd entry within 6 hours could only be spurred on by 1 reason in the entire universe: TVXQ.

I've recently changed my iPhone wallpaper to default and plastered my Postcard perfect shot of Sydney Opera House on my HP Laptop.
It seems like the prolonged inactivity of TVXQ has elicited a dry spell in my die hard fanatics.

However, all I needed was a tight slap in the face or the No.1 male lead in my life to be rushed to the EU to rekindle the flame I once had burning ferociously for TVXQ.

It was revealed that my darling Yunho was rushed to the EU on Monday due to facial contractions which led to fainting.
The first thought I had was, "Facial contractions? Issit like a seizure? fit? spasm?"
Whatever the case, Yunho did more than the typical idol collapse, there was added drama to his fall, almost like his body is responding to his stressful acting debut.

I know I can't hide it any longer. Being a Very Supportive Yunho fan, it hurts to admit that his virgin acting gig sucks.
Despite having a reputation of being an over-protective fan, I still want to insist that it really isn't Yunho's fault for the lousy drama.
Yes, I did cringe in the first 2 episodes for reasons unknown since it could be either I'm uncomfortable seeing him as another person or he really needs improvement.
But as the drama gets along, you can't help but notice the choppy scenes that disrupted the flow of the story, and the diversion of the storyline, gradually moving away from the main plot and confusing the audience.
I'm sure the director, producers and script writers would have responded to the not so pleasing feedbacks and might have done an improvement on the subsequent episodes, but Na has unofficially lost interest in watching the drama.

To make matters worse, the release of BigBang TOP's drama titled 'Iris' was quite a success, which could have been the spark that caused Yunho's drama to get the cut. Thankfully it's just a 2 episode cut and not a withdrawal, otherwise it'll be detrimental to Yunho's morale.

Upon reading the news of Yunho's trip to EU, Na immediately changed all her wallpapers to Yunho for some moral support.

Na thinks, "Yunho's bad luck might have been caused by me losing interest in TVXQ's current inactivities!"

"WAHHHHHHH think too highly of yourself LOL" - Rach.

A little "Me" update

The sudden rush in entries only mean 1 thing: Na is procrastinating her deadlines again.

"Not So Fun" Fact I learnt in my F&B lecture today:
'Alcohol stuns weight loss progress'

Apparently alcohol encourages your body to retain fat, and thus preventing weight loss.
BUT it is also proven that red wine reduces the risk of heart diseases.

Now Na has absolute motivation to ditch Jim and Johnny but she's still perfectly capable of indulging in the occasional reds like Cabernet Sauvignon, Rosé and Pinot Noir (Lovesss!)

Na ponders, "DANG! I'm so tempted to open the bottle of Reserved Shiraz sitting on my shelf right now."

I'm thinking, I might have announced to the entire world that Na is indecisive about which apple to buy.
Issit Fuji? Granny Smith? or Golden Gala?
Okay, old joke.
Other than having the perfect weather to ditch apples and dive into watermelons, Na also have the craving for apple for the ears.

When asked for recommendations and suggestions, most family and friends' reply are coincidentally generic.
All of them pretty much started with, "It depends...", followed by "you should get [recommend product]...." and ended off with "but personally, I prefer [product]."

Seriously! It's like saying, "Don't ask me, but if you really must know, I hold no responsibility for your possible regrets."

I've thus decided to put off the purchase (typical Na's way of handling situations), and decide a few months later if I really need to spend this $$.

And btw, Na only recently plead guilty of her impulse buying behaviours when she realised that she was turning into a victim of POS (Point-of-Sale) displays at a Woolies checkout counter while getting her groceries.

Therefore, the above gesture is an act in hopes of resting my case.

Rewind 3 Months Ago, Fast Forward 2 Months Later

Rewind 3 Months overdued photos thanks to Mich.
Obviously we have to catch Dreamworld's Biggest Stars and take a photo. If only they were more educated, I would have been able to grab an autograph.
My mom will probably be putting up this sign all over Singapore after graduation.
The best ride for a facelift, literally.
Churios for everyone?
Okay, so Fast Forward to December.
DAMMIT! FT Island with Jaejin's new hair cut and their new single!
BEG's Abracadabra with Ga In's solo!
HELL NO! 12 December!?!?
Na is missing FT Island AGAIN!?!?

To all those in Sg right now, grab those tickets and don't fall into regrets like me.

Aussie Habits

For the longest time, I've been complaining about college kids binging on alcohol, parties and maybe sex.
The thing is, while age is inversely related to wild parties, it is directly proportionate to alcohol (and sex).
Comparative to the people in uni, I'm too old and rickety for the dance floor. To tell the truth, I was hardly ever too fascinated by strenuous sports.

Unknowingly, Na has fallen prey to the addiction of alcohol, starting first with the excuse of keeping warmth in the winter, and slowly turning to Jim and Johnny for solace. I no longer have to yell at myself in my room as much to vent my frustrations and stress because I have Jim and Johnny by my side.
Coincidentally, I've been experiencing irregular side effects every month since I came back this winter. At first I thought it was my body giving feedbacks on the frequent readjusting needs, then I realise it might be the Janes inside me protesting because they can't get used to Jim and Johnny.
I saw the light when it came right after a glass of Absolut since a week of abstinence.

No worries honey, I don't have sex, but I do talk about sex.
It's weird how I always seem to find myself amongst the tamed people who ONLY drinks socially and shy away from sex talk when I'm actually engage in the 2 activities.
Well, I can drink alone, but I can't talk to myself.

Na is currently pissed with a friend I met in Brissy. She's a Singaporean and she gets on my nerves. The reason partly involves in sexuality and talking to Jim and Johnny doesn't help much.
I did a mental checklist of friends I can confide in and found only 1 person I can talk to without any reservations.
I can't reveal much of our conversation in here because the WWW is a lot more public than the bus stop outside your door, but rest assured that my problems with this friend is nothing on cat fights for sex partners and merely on who has a longer vocabulary list in the Sexford Dictionary.
Childish it may sound, but you wouldn't know until you've heard the full story.

Fortunately, at any age and any race, there is ONE thing all uni kids in UQ have in common; Jacarandas.
The blooming of the purple flower trees sends ONE unison signal to the students in UQ; the Finals are coming.
True enough, yesterday was the release of the exam timetable.
And for the last time in Brissy, Na wants to say: "Screw UQ and their timetabling schedule!"

Take My Hat Off

To: Liow Wen Li Yvette Sabrina.

Thank you for properly passing the message to our friends of how I'm doing right now. Also because of you, I found out that our friend(s) is doing very well right now and hasn't actually grew smarter changed much.

I know that recently there has been tragic news reports of a terrible earthquake that killed a thousand, trapped thousands and devastated the rest of the affected areas. Therefore, I am here to inform everyone that Na is still alive and kicking, and is progressing very well in her Law Degree in Indonesia.

Yes, everyone! The truth is, Na has been lying to all of you about studying in Australia. I am in fact, studying Law in Indo. But no worries, I'm hardly affected by the quake because I currently located in the Southwest of Indonesia, where most of my relatives are residing in. Also, I am 1/4 Indo-chinese, which makes more sense for my Mom to send me over to Indonesia to study where there is family to take care of me.

So Sab, I haven't burst YB's bubble, if you know what I mean. I'll let you clear the clouds for me. Thanks in advance.

P.S. NS does make guys dumber.

XX,
Na

Turmoil, Vacuous, Xcitement, Queries. [umm... random much?]

After all the controversies, TVXQ's Mirotic Shanghai concert ended smoothly.
As I read fan accounts and scanned through every single concert photos, a billion thoughts flooded through my mind.

Since their debut in 2004, TVXQ has never once spent more than 10 days apart from each other. It hurts to know that they've spent a month living and working separately. It's been awhile since they gathered and stood on stage as One, so stage personas aside, how do you think TVXQ spent the night living together again?
Were there any catching ups?
Did they grow distant?
Or did everyone went to bed like nothing happened?

And then there was the problem of readjusting.
I first had troubles getting used to watching Yunho as an actor.
After 6 episodes of watching actor Jung Yunho, I'm having trouble viewing him as Uknow Yunho instead of Cha Bong Goon (the name of the charac his acting as).
Uknow Yunho gave a shout out to the Shanghai Cassies, "The Five of Us Will Never Part!", which reminded me of the promise Leader shii made at the start of TVXQ's career. He promised that no matter what happens, as the Leader of TVXQ, he'll never let the 5 of them separate.
Big words for a rookie, but because it's Yunho, so I know I can believe him.

Junsu is on my radar again!!
2nights ago I suddenly starting missing Junsu so badly. I realise that I haven't seen him in ages and I miss his voice and smile so much!
I sound absurd but I really felt the pain. I think I missed Junsu more than I miss my family.
I'm glad that he looks the same, maybe fatter? Which is a good sign since he's soooo skinny! Junsu must have been hanging out at his Papa's pizza shop too much lately.

Missing Junsu reminded me of Changmin.
But oddly, there were more Changmin stalker pics compared to Junsu's. Maybe cos it's easier to find Junsu than Changmin.
Hmmm... I think TVXQ members said that once. Hahahas!! Predictable Junsu.
Changmin looks the same, except for that hair that's growing and curling out of control. Time for the salon darling magnae.

NO comments on Jaechun. Seen too much, hear too much. It's time to split them apart. As a Yunjae fan, they are only adding oil to fire, period.

Red meat like no other.

Na is absorbing all sorts of Aussie Experience as much as she possibly can before she leaves.

Next on the list is: Kangaroo Meat.
Kangaroos are legal to kill in Aussie because they are over populated. But they still manage to keep it as humane as possible by limiting the number of Kangaroos they can kill a year.
According to the packaging, it is:
98% Fat Free, High in Protein, Low in Saturated Fat, High in Fibre, Gluten Free and it's apparently Good for the Environment. Beats me, but sounds like I should have more of these instead of my "only chicken" diet.
So a trick I learnt from a real Aussie Chef in my Wine Immersion Program trip at Stanthorpe is that while cooking red meat, you'd want to keep it cooked, but still red and tender in the centre for the best texture.
The best way to do it is to cook it on a pan for 1-2mins on each side, and then pop it into an oven to sit for the same amount of time it was on the pan. It wasn't a successful attempt, but I have leftovers to try again.
Okay. The serving looks pathetic with a pitiful size of Kangaroo meat and Potatos carved into smiley faces. We were trying to be cautious of the new dish we were trying and in case we didn't like it, we have the potatos to mask the flavour and booze to console ourselves.

Oh right! So in conclusion, Kangaroo Meat doesn't smell like lamb or beef, but you can still smell meat from it. It tastes like something familiar but we couldn't identify any similarities. You should try it yourself if you're really that curious.

BUT it definitely doesn't taste like chicken.

Sydney is SEX, and Canberra is FAG!

I'm just gonna upload the photos and caption as little as possible because I can.

Let's Begin!

Virgin flight on Virgin.

Arrived just in time for Chinese food: Sweet&Sour Pork, Stir Fry Kailan and Salt&Chili Fish Fillet.
Day2: Rides on Triple Decker Trains
Calls home at a Real (not theme park exhibit) Red Telephone Booth
Stroll up the Observation Park for a skyline view.
The Rocks @ Sydney
No idea what we were getting ourselves into. Dutch maybe?
Fascinating isn't it? I want to buy a house that cooks with these in the future.
Dodgy homemade noodles that tastes like stringed bread. But the mushrooms in sour cream masks the bad noodles.
Puppets & Toy Shop @ The Rocks
Intricate puppets that has "Do Not Touch" labels all over. Best place to go for Orientation Camp's night walks.
Day3: Birkenhead Point Direct Factory Outlets
By Ferry, aka, Sydney Cat.
Brissy should have River Taxis too.
Postcard Perfect shot of Opera House taken on the Cat.
It's a coincidence. Out of convenience, we managed to strike off Opera House on our list while taking the Cat back from DFO to the City.
Luna Park: Been there on my previous trip (3-4years ago?). Cheap thrill.
Dinner at poshy Jordons with their signature Jordons Seafood Platter. BEST MEAL EVER! pretty pricey too.

Day 4: Sydney Fish Market!
SUPER FRESH OYSTERS!! and lobster and scallop and mussels.
Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
Poshy Chocolate Brand's Cafe
Cheers to 3 Lindt Iced Chocolate take outs!
Na succumbs to backpackers. Quite an experience though.
At least there was A/C.
Marmak for dinner.
PRATA & Teh Tarik!!!!!!
Onion & Egg Prata!! OMG! I miss it so much now!!
Nasi Lemak. Lina's cooking was better.
Na arrived at Canberra. This is how their bus ticket looks like. Reminiscing the old SBS paper ticket machines.
Stayed at a hotel within ANU (Aus National Uni, similar to NUS's status in Sg).
Feels like I'm back at Union College. It looks older than my mother, but at least it is clean and it's a 2 Bedroom Suite (:
We ended up having Shin Ramyun for supper to beat the cold night in Canberra. Rach eats from a decent bowl, while I eat from a teacup, which made me look like a primary school kido.
The irony of the hotel toilet.
Never ever come to a 鳥不生蛋 place to live or study in. Super Ulu, Super Inaccessible and Super No Life.
I was only there for 2 days and I can barely find anything to do already. I was so glad to return to Brisbane.
The few interesting places that's worth visiting is Cockington Green Gardens of Miniature Buildings.
Here's a sample: The real building is behind and the Mini-me is exactly the same. Even the landscaping is copied to a T.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Their Rose Garden Exhibition Room displayed a collection of doll houses.
Which is all really exquisite and detailed. You can even see towels in the drawers and fork & spoon in the kitchen sink.
Oh! and I went DFO too! But got too engrossed shopping. Here's a "Na was here" photo of Cockington Green Gardens.
Lastly, our last meal for the trip at Canberra's Pancake Parlour (another franchise of Pancake Manor).
Na's Canadian Pancake Set Meal with Buttermilk Pancakes, eggs, bacon, pineapple and bananas all pan-fried and toasted.
J and Rach's Mexican Chicken Crepe.
Satisfying indeed.
Say Pancakes!
This is the most interesting building we found in ANU that was worth a snap.

After this trip:
Na....
would prefer living in Sydney,
is thankful for not having to stay for long in Canberra,
and will never complain about how boring Brissy is ever again.