The Exception

Since I'm always seen as a person without troubles and I'm presumed to have a life of comfort, I'd be assumed to have no worries in life.

But they often fail to learn that the life of an adult is alot more complicated than a child. As one gains in age, the mind starts to get complex and creates problems on its own.

Therefore, don't think that I live a smooth-sailing life and that would make me the least worrisome person you know.

I've tried to suppress the feeling of being neglected once at home, which then blew up into frustrations and jealousy. And it seems like with my personality and character, I can never run away from situations like this.

When I finally feel like I found the person whom I can throw all my sorrows safely at, I had to leave that person for a long time. I am left with no choice but to hold back the pleasure it brings me to vomit all my discomfort out and learn to live my old life back.

This person pampered me with the habit of speaking my mind and not mindful of the consequences if anything gets leaked out because I know it will never happen. It's been wonderful knowing you, and yes, this honored person is an exception.

Thank you for being there.
I hope that we won't feel too distant the next time we meet and we can still remain close friends again.

P.S. This kinda sounds like a break-up.

Scars will trail behind (The Insignificant Soul)

For the past one month, I find myself drowning in disappointment caused by the people around me and to add on to that, I felt immersed in high-blood-pressure stress level because of my mother.

I don't blame my mother, because I can see her blood pressure soaring higher than mine as the departure date draws nearer. It came as a shock to her that I was really serious about studying abroad alone, and without getting mentally prepared in time for her daughter's first grown-up decision, she finds herself worrying about my basic survival necessities in Australia.

But I don't see any effort put in by the rest of the people around me. I feel myself surrounded in sheer superficial "Miss Yous" and meet-ups.
For one entire month, I realised how I was used as an excuse for gatherings and more gatherings, where my existence seemed unimportant.
Or if I was in any way important, I was there to keep things planned and organised so that everyone is fed and happy.

I don't see other people's farewells as servitude as mine.

Everyday, as I savour the solitude moments that have been so hard to come by lately, my mind would drift to the antagonising socialising work I've been trying to keep up with ever since I was planning to leave Australia.

I find it unbelievable that after so long, I still ended up feeling let down by the people whom I thought I could keep forever.
And when I look back, I realise that I had a part to play in the blame.
The non-existence of the word Trust landed me here, as I see the true colours of my life before leaving this made up world of my own.
In actual fact, I never trusted anyone, and nobody realised that that problem actually existed.

I've never poured my sorrows to anyone, neither has anyone tried to look here for a shoulder to cry on.
I am not the first person to share your joy with, neither are you the first person I wanna announce my good news to.

Whatever happened to the "I don't believe in Best Friends" theory I've been working on since Primary School. It seems that after I've learnt to change myself, I'm slowly forgetting the scars that were left by all those whom I thought I could trust, and thus, letting my guard down.
I've never let myself feel love from friends only until recently, when I got pricked which woke me into reality.

As I sit here alone, thinking back on all the bitter and sweet I've encountered in life, I realise that I've not told anyone the bitterness in my life, and I find myself holding back whenever I want to spread any good news. It's not that I don't wish to say anything, but many times, in order to prevent more trouble or best, status quo, I had to keep mum.

Just like now. By writing this, I'm making trouble for myself, but it's okay, because it's between me and each individual and I'm leaving already, so there won't be any more talkings to blow the matter up. Right?

So I asked myself, "Do these people actually know me?"

Now I finally saw the light of everything.

The farewell is for the girl who is always there when you need her. Just ring her up, say please and she'll turn up for all the bored souls who needs a companion.
Everyone must admit that I'm not a fun person to hang out with, so when I do get a call, they just needed more people to fill up the space, or otherwise, it would be that all the fun people are busy.

That's that.
They'll miss the "make-use-of" girl, whom they don't actually understand but they think they do.

All the "we really want you to be there" mentality makes me wonder if I'm being called up because it became a habit.
Because in so many occasions, I've tried and experimented: If I don't speak up and make any sound, will anyone notice?
Apparently, it's proven that No, no one noticed.

I wrote this a week before my departure, but I'm only posting it out now because I don't wanna see all the guilt-strickened, disappointed, sad faces like as if those faces are telling me that I should be guilty of feeling that way and I should really change my mindset.

Please do take a few moments and ponder. Do you really have no part to play in this whole ordeal I'm going through in my mind?

and whatever your answer is for that question, ask yourself: "Do you really know what kind of a person Sheena Ng really is?"

Whether your answer is a Yes or a No, it doesn't matter to me. Because right from the start of the entire Farewell Sheena Affair, I saw who are the ones who truly loves me as a friend and I sincerely appreciate everyone of them.

People may have saw the change in me, but they don't realise how the change made me distant and different.

As for those not in my list, just 2 more lines for all of you:

I'm sick of me giving and you not reciprocating because I'm not that magnanimous.
Therefore, I won't bother giving anymore unless there's a need to.

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Alright. Take in deep breaths and relax.

I've written this because I was too stressed up.
But that doesn't mean I don't mean what I say.

If it didn't matter then it wouldn't hurt so much.
So friends still mean alot to me, just in a different way.

And I'm sure nobody realised, but I've learned to live and forget since a looong time ago, and also, I dont think anybody really know that the line "Time will heal all wounds, scars will trail behind" really applies in my life.

(Although I know it's kinda impossible) Don't let the above passage bother you too much, as Time will solve everything. Wounds will definitely heal in time, but scars remain.

I don't know about you (apply to all readers) reading this, but I've become an optimistic person who cheers up in minutes.

That's something you learn about me. :)

An independent soul is what I've become right now.

That's why I say I don't need a farewell. It'd only make my already dreadful soul feel worse, but I'm not blaming anybody since I've never told anyone and nobody actually noticed.

This kid is good!

Yikes!

A 14 year old who has the moves!

Okays, I'm referring to the kid in the front at the start of the performance.
Freaking hell after I've watched the video, I don't believe that this kid is just 14 this year!
Korea stars debut really early these days...

I didn't know them before, but I went to wiki them straight after watching this video to find out who's that kid in the front.
This is what I found in wiki:

TAEMIN
Stage name: Taemin (태민 or 泰民)
Birth name: Lee Taemin (이태민)
Birth date: July 18, 1993(age 14)
Position: Lead Dancer, Vocal

This 14 year old kid w/o a picture in wiki is the lead dancer of Shinee (pronounced as Shiny - yes, koreans and their english...), which means it's that kid in the front of the formation, cuz judging from SM's habits, they ALWAYS put the lead dancer in the front, whether or not they can sing.
It applies to SuJu, TVXQ (and previously Shinhwa).

Anyways, this kid's dancing style reminds me of Eunhyuk/Donghae (and alittle Junsu). But also different at the same time..

Erm.... no. He does not remind me of Yunho at all because Yunho's dancing style is unique to his own. Period.

Oh, and I've finally come to terms with the rumours about Shinee being the new TVXQ from the "SM Super Star Factory".

Their Chris Brown performance is pretty tight. I can't deny that they probably have what it takes in the future to make it big like their sunbaes.

Haven't really heard them sing though, they might not be as good. Afterall, Junsu and Jaejoong are Vocal Powerhouses.
But I must say, the lead vocal of Shinee, Jonghyun (the kid who sang the most in this perf.) is pretty cute.
Other than that, the others should try re-styling themselves.

Mad Maid 2 (Sequel)

10 minutes ago, my maid gave the family another shock.

My (big) brother was downstairs alone, watching tv, when my maid's alarm clock started ringing in her room. In a normal situation, an alarm clock is set to wake a person up. It would usually take the person awhile to hear the alarm and turn it off, but in this case, the alarm just kept ringing, which got my brother irritated.

The doors were closed, so he didn't dare to check on her. My brothers came to me, since I'm a girl and all, it's safer for me to go kick her door down.

We yelled for her name, but there was nobody there.
Okays.

First Panic, did the maid faint or something?

I yanked the door opened and I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.
There was nobody there.
We checked the toilets, the kitchen, backyard, bedrooms, and porch.
No sight of the maid at all.

Second Panic, where did she disappear to?

I shouted for my parents, who were already asleep, locked up in their room. I knocked hard on their door, and my dad came out looking cranky.
You know how my brain malfunctions on Panic Mode, and my dad's cranky face made me even more scared.
To hit him out of cranky and into alert mode, I summarised the whole search party episode into 1 sentence:
"THE MAID IS MISSING!" in a I'm-freaking-out-so-what-to-do face.

My mom's a light sleeper, obviously she heard me talking at the top of my voice, thinking that it'd be easier to drill the message into my parent's sleepy heads.

I stammered the search party that my brothers and I formed and went back into action, allowing my parents some time to digest and think of a solution.

It's obvious that the maid is out of the house, cuz I found the set of keys in the kitchen missing.
My (big) brother decided to make a trip out to check if she's hiding somewhere.

He walked to the left, and I walked to the right.

Just two blocks away, parked a van owned by a family who does catering. I wanted to give up when I thought the coast was clear, but somehow, my instincts told me that something was behind the van.

Bingo!
She was there, squating behind the van, not noticing my existence beside her, while she carefully peeps over to see if we were still roaming around the gates.

I kinda gave her a shock, cuz she wasn't expecting anyone beside her, or maybe she thought I was a spirit, or maybe the blackmagic was back, or.... you know what I mean.

I walked back to the house to find the entire family standing at the porch with faces of expectation, as if they were waiting for my catch after returning from hunting.

My parents' brain just woke up from sleep mode, so they'll do the questioning another day.
My (big) brother was the most curious one of all, questioning her about her wherebouts, and she just smiled and laughed (shyly) her way through.

This is the most problematic maid we've ever engaged.

My house is getting alot more exciting with this maid around.
I'll miss all the excitement/commotion when I go to Australia.

What Happens...

What happens when you put a Super Stressed up Sheena in a Shopping Sale Season?

I left my house at 3pm, planning to return an hour after buying a universal adapter for my Australia trip that only cost less than $4.
I ended up leaving Vivo at 7pm, spending $4 on the universal adapter, plus $400 more in Zara, Pull&Bear, Forever21, and MNG Sale.

I just realised how scary I get when I decide to use Retail Therapy as a mean to Relieve Stress.

*Poof!* goes half of the extra $1000 my dad gave me this month for my Australia necessity shopping.

I was alone, there was nobody to stop me, until I receive a call from my mom asking me to go home, then I realise how many shopping bags I have on hand.
Suddenly, I woke up to find reality hitting me hard in my wallet/bank account. I put back the clothes I was about to bring into the fitting room, and headed straight for the exit and into the bus stop immediately.

I'm guessing it must be TVXQ's inactivity recently that got me stranded with no where to let out my frustrations. I began searching for an alternative, where I find myself venting it on my wallet.

TVXQ better reappear soon with something new for me to go crazy over, otherwise my temper/stress would soon get out of hand.

My Thanks and No Thanks

I do have a few Thank yous to say before ranting off with my complaints again.

Firstly, I would like to thank my family, especially my mother. Because after yesterday, I do realise that when there really is a need for me to spread good news about myself, I can't think of anyone else other than my family first.

Well, partly because it kinda concerns my brother (kor), which is why I refused to call anyone else, trying to contain my eagerness, all the way until I get home.

It started on a Monday night, where I lay on my bed, trying to get some sleep. That night, the moon was really bright and there were hardly any clouds around. That night was particularly memorable because from where I was lying, I could see the moon directly from the window, shining moonlight onto my face.
I thought to myself, "This has to be an omen for tomorrow."

Anyways, the next morning, I was awakened gradually by the heaviness in my heart. I wasn't able to laze in bed as long as I wanted to because since the moment I wake up into light-sleep mode, I could feel tension rising from my chest as the sun rises to noon.

I unwillingly dragged my feet off the bed and got myself ready for a journey that just might be the last for me.
During that torturous 40mins bus ride, I found myself constantly taking in deep breaths to calm myself down. I was 5 mins late.

The instructor came to me, asked me for my important documents and gave me instructions. The 1.5hrs before-death-warm-up-session time was totally chaotic for me. I felt like a pig waiting in line to be slaughtered by the farmer, I don't want to meet death so soon, but neither do I want to stay in that horrifying place any longer.

During this time, I would like to thank John Grisham, for putting my mind off the slaughtering as I read "A Time To Kill". How appropriate. I was trying to kill some time.

When the head farmer called my name, I was escorted to my car by an old farmer, balding pretty badly with a wrongly positioned goatee that was all grey and white.
Behind my wheel, I needed something to calm myself down. As I watch the old farmer place a L plate in the front of the car, I noticed his hairy mole on the chin, camouflaged in his goatee. Somehow, I felt lighter at this thought and the rest of the journey was smoother than imagined.

Death turns out to be Heaven, thanks to the old farmer, Mr. Ong.

He then gave me a debrief with only 1 sentence, "Please check your mirrors earlier in the future."
And before I could warm my seat, he said, "You may go now."
He handed me my results slip and I saw Paradise.

All in all, Mr Tan, my instructor, is the one person I am most grateful for the results I have today. I would recommend all BBDC students to switch to G1103 if you would like to pass your TP with flying colours.
*Disclaimer: If you do fail, don't blame Mr. Tan or myself, because I must admit, I have a flair at this, so you should listen with discretion." *

I Finally Won my kor in something!
He took the test twice because he strike the curb twice in his first attempt.
WooHoo!!!
Right in his face!!

Next, I would like to say No Thanks to so many people who "put my aeroplane" for the past few days/weeks.
I do hope everyone realises that I am super busy right now, with all the preparation to Australia still undone.
Do not plan something, and decide on the day before/itself that you are not turning up or the plan is to be cancelled without even informing me.

Hope everyone who is going to be meeting me as of today until my departure, realises that I am making time specially for the meetings, and I do have more important things to handle, except that I choose to put it off because I know how much the meeting will mean to both parties.

Do note that this "No Thanks" message applys to EVERYONE, and not just particularly anybody, because I've got so many aeroplanes flying already.

Anyways, I have loads of pictures to upload, but I shan't do it now, since I pretty held up. I am actually typing this while making phonecalls and emails to settle my accommodation shit for Australia.
Sian.

I don't normally dl radio ripped songs, because the quality is bad, but I can't help it for this one. It's excellent!
TVXQ - Why Did I Fall In Love With You (どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう？)

An awfully long Japanese Title, which I'm too lazy to englishfy it for everyone.
I just love the song.
Enjoi