After 18 years of life then I realise the severity of life and death. I always took everyone around me for granted and never knew the day of eternal separation will ever occur, until she was called home.
Yesterday, 13th March 2007 was the 49th day of her departure. I went to visit her for the first time on 11th March 2007. I never went earlier because I was a coward. Even on the day I saw her, I didn't know what to say to her.
That night, I dreamt of her:
It was just like every other night. I was beside her on her bed, watching TV. She was having backaches so I offered to give her a massage. She asked me where was her ointment and I replied her, "I threw it away."
Then I thought to myself, "why did I throw her things away?"
I woke up upon realising that it was a dream that seemed so real.
I miss her.
Afew days before she entered Earth's torture chamber, I told a friend, "I wouldn't be surprise if my she would live another 5 more years to see me graduate and probably get engaged/married."
I spoke too soon, because you can never be so sure.
Last year, I was boasting to my friends about how healthy she was. It was something I am and should be proud of. I'm not embarassed.
This year, I'm anguished.
It was only the first month of 2007 and I felt like a whole new year have passed me.
Things will never be the same again. My life entered a whole new route after your departure, an unplanned, unexpected route and I don't like it, but I do anything about it.
Only after so long then I am able to write all these out without stopping halfway. There were countless of unfinished drafts, all which started with tears and never ended.
If tears could build a stairway, memories a lane, I would walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again.
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