Maybe leaving isn't such a bad idea

I expected alot more for my last weekend in Singapore... Now all I can think of is escaping to Brissy where I have no expectations for life at all.

This is by far the most miserable weekend I have in Sunny Sg, throwing tantrums and exposing all my negativity to my closest friends, thus becoming the wet-blanket of the party, and finally drowning my sorrows in the only place where I can get FOC free-flow of a wide variety of liquor while controlling my sanity by waiting for Ronald's delivery to fill my stomach.

20th July, 2009 @ 2:18AM --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The above is an unfinished post blogged in Ber's room while he was in the kitchen cooking noodles and mixing drinks.
Waking up in the "morning", feeling a lot more sober than before, I realised that this vacation not only brought Na home from Brissy, the spoilt, selfish and insensitive brat from Na's younger days found her way back in authority as well.

After much turmoils and tragics in Na's history, she has learnt to lock away the person she grew up as, out of reach from everybody, in case any harm comes to her friends or herself.

But the frequent adjusting and readjusting in life, checking in and out of reality at least twice a year, is becoming very confusing.
It's almost as if she has lost a sense of belonging to anywhere and now relates herself to nowhere at all.
In the midst of exchanging attitudes and social standing positions, the multiple identities that Na has been comfortably juggling all these years are starting to collapse, allowing the true Na who has been suppressed for more than 5 years to revisit daylight and cause torment to people around her again.

Na's body reasoned her comeback with her absence from home for too long, making Na totally oblivious of the terror within her.
In her last weekend in Sg, when all negativity gets so overwhelming that it engulfs everyone around her, she finally came face to face with her real self, meeting her for the first time so directly since her return.

Right now, it's too late for any reconciliation. Na can only hope that time will heal all wounds while she escapes back to Brissy with her cynical self (to settle scores with her) and return once more with the legit and preferred Na in a few months time.