Devastated.

This year, my life is fluctuating like shares in the stock market.

Today is another day I will never forget. 6 days after I turn 19, I lose another friend (sort of).

When I first moved in, her maid and my maid became friends. From them, we learnt of each other and started hanging out. She was 1 year younger, had 1 elder sis and 1 younger bro, which makes us both 2nd in place. We had picnics and played dolls. I remember once when her cousin was at her place, she fell out with him and her didi cuz she felt unjust. She left home and seek refuge at my place. We hid her and protected her until she felt she was ready to face them again.

I never suspected anything, I thought it was just another middle-child syndrome.

We drifted apart after entering secondary school. I became a girl with AP and her mother was being competitive. Soon, our conversations shortened and eventually, body language became our communication tools.
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I slept late, 3 in the morning. By the time I woke up, I only had 20mins left until tutorial starts. It was nothing new because this was how life had been since start of school.

As I was rushing out of house at 9.05am, I saw her emerging from her house. There was no doubt about taking a cab, so I paused and considered to offer her a ride. She heard my footsteps and took a quick glance. I was already 5mins late and she was taking her own sweet time, so I skipped the basic courtesy of even greeting and dashed out to hail a cab.

On my journey to school, it bothered me that I ignored her because this trip might bring us closer. But judging from the time she's leaving home, it's just the right time to catch a bus to school for a 10am class. She'll reach school and still have enough time to drag her feet to class. I convinced myself that she doesn't have to reach 40mins early and stone alone.

School ended early because my lecturer met an accident. He wasn't hurt but the car was disfigured. Whatever. I get to go home early to sleep.

I was napping on my living room couch and it was nearly time for dinner. I heard the gate open but nobody was entering the house. It's either my mom or my dad. I was looking out because I know I'll have to wake up when they return. No footsteps, no voice. Maybe it wasn't our gate, maybe it was next door. I was probably half asleep when I hear the 'click' of the gates.

But I wasn't wrong. My mom entered and came to my side. She sounded nervous and told me something bad happened. I ignored, thinking that this is just one of her tactics to wake us up. Finally, she gave up and whispered in my ear.

She didn't survive.

Not yet 18. No one suspected. And I might be the last to have seen her.
If only I stopped to give her a ride.
If only I did more than just smiling.
If only....
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Now I'm having doubts about my belief : Time will heal all wounds, Scars will trail behind.
But true enough, Time will Tell.