Guilty

On Sunday, my mom brought my didi to visit a Math Tutor in hopes of finding help for his 'A's. After dinner, my dad probed him about the trip, and he replied by saying that he has discussed the matter with my mom and he has other plans for his Math grades.
He didn't meant to be rude or disrespectful. I thought his voice was filled with fear rather than confidence. Fear in the form of respect for the man of the house.

My dad got dumbfounded because he knew nothing of the discussion between him and my mom, not because it was any mother-and-son secret, but my parents just haven't had the time to talk in private.

At that moment, he got alittle pissed and made a statement that seriously got my brother and I break out in cold sweat.

He said that he has no intention of sending my brother overseas and that he had to depend on himself. He has not prepared anything for my brother.

When my dad got those lines out, my brother and I fell silent for the rest of the night. I have no idea what went through his mind at that time, but I was hoping that my dad just said that out of frustration and that he didn't really meant what he said. On the other hand, I was worried for myself, because they never said outright that they were prepared to send me overseas. Everything up till now was only an "If".


Today, in the evening, the postman dropped by with good news to hear. UWA (University of Western Australia) sent me a letter of acceptance. I literally jumped for joy in front of my maid.

I thought of about who to share the news first and a bunch of people ran through my mind. I called my mom.
To my dismay, she sounded nonchalant, which brought me back to reality. Her not-excited-tone-of-voice made the conversation really awkward.

To make things worse, the letter of acceptance didn't look as perfect as I thought. I am offered a place in UWA, but not the place I've originally wanted.
I applied for Bachelor of Commerce (Marketing) and I'm offered Bachelor of Economics.

Well, at least my dad made me feel slightly better when he made 1 comment after hearing of my acceptance. The first thing he said when he saw the letter was, "So you going to Australia?"

I went mute for a few seconds. Thoughts ran through my mind.
"He's willing to send me over?"
"What about what he said the other night?"
"What about my brother?"

and somehow, I felt like I needed to fill the silence. An indefinite answer would be suffice to temporarily stop any further discussisons.
I replied with, "They didn't offer me the degree that I wanted, so I think I should wait for the other letters. I have until 9 May."
and it did, he changed the subject.


I need to talk it out with my brother one day. This feeling of betrayal is killing me. I won't be able to go to Australia in peace if I don't get my brother's sincere blessings. He'll definitely blame me for ruining his chances even if my dad didn't meant whatever he said on Sunday night.
All because since we were little, there's this unspoken agreement that my mom favours my brother and my dad favours me.

And if you're asking about my other brother (the elder 1), since he's the eldest, my inexperienced parents basically brought him up very differently from the both of us. Well, in my opinion, he had his intelligence and independence to be blamed for. It kinda led my inexperienced parents to take his capabilities for granted ever since he was a child.

They only realised his excellence when they tried to raise me. So their actual parenting only officially started with me. When they start to realise that the least worrisome child has flaws as well, it was already too late.

Now all they can hope for is for his morals to not stray too far.

So much for "Life is Simple".