I'm getting emotional

There are things hidden in my heart that I can't bring myself to tell my family.
Since they assume that I always talk big and nonsensically, and we all know that I'm not the brightest person in the house.

I've never really told them why I wanna study abroad so badly. It always passed off as "because I want the experience".

Taking this diploma really opened up my mind. I see that the world is going global and if I want to survive with my limited brainpower in the future, I need to globalise myself. I've been shielded all my life without any financial worries. To add on to that, I feel like an overprotected Singaporean who has pretty much overestimated my own capabilities (in spite of the fact that I don't have much of it).

I'm not giving answers out of a Civics and Moral Education Textbook. Neither am I faking a matured state of mentality to prove my family wrong. Because I saw how naive I was when I actually considered living in the states alone, thinking that I can force myself to overcome obstacles when I'm there as a form of growing up.

I admit that my enlightenment was brought about through a pretty childish method. I saw my parent's worries and uncertainties after watching a movie. The movie depicts a true story of delinquents in a high school in the US, and how 1 teacher brought hope in their lives. I saw how kids in the US live their lives in fear everyday, and the life threatening dangers lurking in the streets of the night was part and parcel of the country. It's called "Freedom Writers" if you're interested. I highly recommend it to everyone.

I've taken my life for granted and now I need to know what it is like out there. I know I might probably get a chance to travel at work in the future, but I thought if I have the chance now, why not take the opportunity to prepare myself ahead of others. I see it as part of my process of growing up, and not just some academia obligation.

It still worries them that I would be doing this alone without any companion, but what they didn't realise is that I've been accustomed to stepping out of the safety zone and entering a foreign environment all alone.

I left Fairfield and entered Queensway as the only Fairsian. I made it clear during my PSLE that I do not want to follow my friends to Fairfield. That place and the people are not my cup of tea.

Then, I entered NP Biz alone. My friend's decisions were not in any of my considerations.

I'm living my life better than all the kids who ostracised me in school. They once made my life a living hell (quite a couple of times and I was always attacked alone), but I came back stronger and happier.

So you see, I do not succumb to peer pressure, which is how my parents see me as. I think it's time for life to get harsher so that I can become a better stronger person.

So far, the things I've learnt from different school politics:
Who cares about being nice. The way I see it, be sincere to those you cherish and entertain those that you need. For everyone else, keep a neutral heart. Even if he once kicked you in the ass, smile in front of him. Show him that you don't give a damn and the others will think that you're an angel.

An advice for a friend:
Hatred makes you look ugly. Either you hide it or you forget about it. If I were you, I would forget about it, since bearing grudges will make one feel uglier.
Let him hate all he wants, no point accompanying his stupidity.
You once taught me that, but I think you've kinda forgotten it yourself.

The usual,
Time will heal all wounds and let the scars trail behind.

I just realised that if I was writing a composition, I would be graded 0 for going out-of-point. *Sigh*